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My Thoughts

Published on November 25th, 2019 | by Ramona Sarac

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The day heart starts wearing a pair of red shoes

I don’t think there is a woman in the whole world who doesn’t have a story with red shoes. And I don’t know if mine is special, in any way. But it’s a story that changed completely, together with my life, step by step. And the summary is simple – from shinny days because of red shoes to shinny days in red shoes. Between them is the struggle for who I am today – up to the moment when my heart, before me, started wearing a wonderful pair of red, high-heeled shoes.

Many years, too many years, red shoes were a reason to put up a smile on my face. Whenever I had hard times, bad days, stressful meetings, I used to put on a pair of red shoes and tell myself – now, it will be ok, you will see. From one case to another, I used to add a red scarf, an oversized red bag. Rarely – a red blouse – because most of my clothes were black.

It was the time when all I was seeing in front of my eyes was my job. Everything was related to it, time for it was never enough, I always had to do something for my job, about it – even on week-ends, on holidays, never seemed to me an inappropriate moment. I was working way too much, I was overstressed, awfully tired, but lied myself everything was all right. Even when I got to sleep a few hours a night, had almost no time for family and friends, smoke a lot, had some medical problems because of stress – I kept on lying to myself that it was perfectly normal.

Red shoes were a part of that self-convincing process. So a big part of my shoe closet was full of them – ballerinas, stiletto, sandals, boots, high-heeled, medium, no heels, painted, natural leather, suede – you never know when you need a smile, a pretended happiness dressed in red leather.

I didn’t even notice that I had worn them all the time with black or other dark clothes – as accessories, “stains of color” and pretended reasons to smile. Pretended – I keep on pointing that out.

I was lying myself pretending that it will be a good day, that I was all right, that red shoes or anything red will bring luck. I wasn’t even looking at me – being too busy to work and to pretend that everything was perfect.

The day I had a car accident, while running for work and while reading a work sms, was my stop, my restart and my new beginning. I changed the country, many people around, my priorities and my life completely.

I had one year with myself, a tough year, to rebuild, to make a deep emotional cleansing, to restore my priorities, to understand what really matters in life. To allow myself to cry. To realize where I was wrong and learn not to blame myself for that – but take is as an experience and extract the valuable lessons out of it.

It was a year I completely avoided that part of shoe closet with red shoes.

This year, in spring, I started wearing red shoes again. It was about the same time I started cleaning my wardrobe – and get rid of black or other dark clothes – one by one. I had never worn pink in my whole life – but now it was a good moment to start. To add other bright colors, also. To start using make up again.

Today, I wear red shoes with so much joy. But I don’t need a reason to do this. I simply choose a pair in a very usual day, for a very usual meeting. Some days, for just going out for shopping maybe. Or taking a walk with a huge smile over my heart.

Meanwhile, in my rebuilding year, I understood that good with myself depends on what I do with and for my mind and heart – not on the color of my shoes or other things like that. That often, too often, we lie ourselves with superficial solutions for deep problems – because we are very, very afraid to face them. We are afraid of the pain – of course it hurts, deeply. But what comes after – trust me – what comes after is absolutely priceless.

Today, I wear red shoes in shinny days, I don’t have shinny days because of red shoes. They are just an accessory – a very beautiful one – to my wonderful state of mind. My heart puts them on before I do – and everything, absolutely everything, starts with it – with heart.

Of course you can have a wonderful sun on your soul in a cold, rainy day. Of course you can smile for no reason – just remembering a small thing that made you happy. You can choose to ignore what’s bad for you, delete, block, give up when necessary – it’s just a matter of personal option, nothing else. Of course you can take toxic people out of your life forever – you will surprisingly realize not only that you can live without them but also how incredibly good this feels.

Good things happen to you when you allow them to. Nothing good will come if you keep on having tight fists. If you look forward only, not around, also. If you live in the past. If you hate – others or yourself. If you don’t look up and if you don’t trust – in God, in yourself and in your chance, every day.

A good day starts with a peaceful mind and a smiling heart. From that moment on just allow yourself to be happy. Eat a big icecream in the middle of that cursed diet. Choose maximum volume for that new CD, while driving. Walk without shoes on wet grass, on a beautiful summer morning. Meet your friends in the middle of the week, for no reason. Buy flowers for no reason, call mamma for no reason, do as many good no-reason things as you can. Smile to your neighbor, ask him how he is doing. Hug strongly. Tell I love you more often. Show people who matter how important they are. Don’t wait for “the perfect day” that might never come. Right time is today, always.

And never hesitate to buy a new pair of red shoes – just make sure they fit the shape of your heart!

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